10 Things Narcissistic/Difficult Mothers Say- And What They Really Mean

Hurtful, dismissing, invalidating: a Narcissistic/Difficult mother’s language is predictable as it is telling. It’s all part of a linguistic campaign to keep you in your place and provide cover for her hostility. You may be so used to hearing this from her you don’t expect anything different. That doesn’t mean Mom’s words don’t erode your self-esteem, make you doubt yourself, and keep you from claiming your experience as your own. Let’s look at 10 things Narcissistic/Difficult mothers say and decode what they really mean.

1. You’re just too sensitive.-I won’t be held accountable for the hurt you feel from my comments. Instead, I will imply there is something wrong with you rather than something hurtful about my comment.
2. I never said that.- If you hold me accountable for the hurt I caused, I will simply deny I ever said it. Easy peasy.
3. I’m only trying to help. I can criticize you, undermine you and overstep, but if you don’t experience my actions/comments as helpful, it’s your fault. This gives me a free pass to act on my hostility and attribute blame to you.
4. This is for your own good.- I know what you need better than you do. This gives me Carte Blanche to do cruel things and pass them off as helpful.
5. Only your mother will tell you.- I give myself special dispensation to cut you down because I am your mother.
6. I was just joking .- If you feel mocked by me, I bear no responsibility. I can say whatever I want, and you have no right to call me out.
7. I’m sure you don’t mean that.- However, you feel in response to me is of no interest to be. I will invalidate your feelings if they don’t agree with mine.
8. I’m sorry, but you…If you dare question me, I’ll just turn the spotlight on you. A good offense is the best defense.
9. Is there something going on with you? I refuse to accept the legitimacy of what you are saying. Instead, I’m going to turn it back on you with faux concern.
10. I’m sorry you took it that way.- What I said or did made you feel is 100% your responsibility, not mine. I am not interested in a mutually respectful relationship.